NJ's Premier League Weekend

By Nishant Joshi

Bye Bye, Big Ears

Firstly, a 'pre-obituary', as the coffin on Gary Megson's managerial career comes closer to shutting forever. I'm sure that regular readers will have breathed a deep sigh of relief when Gary Megson was sacked as Bolton manager after a reign where he managed to annoy just about every Bolton supporter possible with his abrasive and uncharismatic persona.

During a stalling managerial career, it seems that landing a part-time match-reporting job on Gillette Soccer Saturday would be par for the course; and I might just be able to resist gouging my eyes out if Megson describes a 5-4 between Darlington and Rotherham. However, God forbid that the likes of Frank McLintock pulls a sickie one week and the ginger minger is promoted to the main panel. If you hear reports of innocent civilians being struck by a falling television on a Saturday afternoon in the near future...well, you can't say they weren't warned.

For what it's worth, my dear readers will be glad to know that all of my pent-up anger and rage will now be transferred directly onto the odious turd that is Phil Brown.

Stoke vs Liverpool



16th January 12:45 GMT
Sky Sports 1 (12:30-14:45), Sky Box Office HD 1 (12:30-14:45)

From bad, to worse, to terrible, to abysmal, ad nauseam. Liverpool's season has become something of a train wreck. But not just any old train wreck. This train has caught fire, managed to barrel roll for miles on end, and land squarely on the town of Huyton. I had the dubious pleasure of driving through this Merseyside version of a Manhattan 'Project' over Christmas, and it was not a pretty sight.

In Huyton, there were plenty of prams being pushed around by chav teen mothers, your fair share of child skinheads, and the occasional airgun shot being heard in the distance.

However, only two things struck me as genuinely bizarre:

1. Everybody I saw was wearing a Liverpool shirt;

2. All of these people were crying uncontrollably.

Not one to jump to conclusions, I came up with a few explanations...

Maybe the local Primark was giving Liverpool shirts away for free to all teen mothers? Maybe I had come across the set of a Little Britain sketch? Maybe all of the child support payments in Huyton had simultaneously fallen through? Had they all just watched a pirated version of Avatar for the first time, and couldn't understand the storyline?

After getting the hell out of Huyton, I realised that Liverpool were 7th in the Premier League. Far behind Chelsea and Manchester United, and in danger of being overtaken by the spend-thrift but shrewd Birmingham City. Suddenly, it dawned upon me that the good people of Huyton might be taking their football just *a tad* too seriously for their own good.

It must be frustrating for them to see inept performance after inept performance, but 7th place is nothing to cry about. The whole situation reminded me of pre-school, where there would always be one kid who would cry when he couldn't complete a jigsaw puzzle. He used to cry out of sheer frustration and helplessness. In that way, I fully empathise with the people of Huyton. They are utterly helpless; watching the demise of their once-great team, right before their eyes.

After having been unceremoniously dumped out of the FA Cup at home, against Reading, Rafa Benitez's side travel to Stoke without their three best players, in Fernando Torres, Steven Gerrard and Yossi Benayoun. With a new Twitter row involving Ryan Babel, transfer clouds over many fringe players, and in utterly terrible form, it's fair to say that morale at Liverpool is at an all-time low under Benitez.

Stoke are an efficient side at home and are the epitome of the mid-table side at the moment, grinding out solid and unfashionable wins at home, while generally performing below-par in away games. They are priced up as decent underdogs here, and face a Liverpool side bereft of their best players and in poor form. At odds of 3.8, Stoke are arguably the value play of the weekend.

Portsmouth vs Birmingham



16th January 15:00 GMT

Avram Grant took over a Portsmouth side in 20th position and has failed to improve on that. In stark contrast, Birmingham are on a record unbeaten streak and are the form team in the league. Most of their wins have understandably come at home, but they have won three out of their last five away from home. We were unlucky not to bag a big pay day after they took the lead against Manchester Utd last week, but we must back them to continue their excellent form here, at another juicy price.

Blackburn vs Fulham



17th January 15:00 GMT

Sam Allardyce is coming under increasing pressure after a winless streak stretching back 12 games in all competitions. On the other hand, Fulham are slowly and steadily grinding out results and sitting pretty in 9th place. Fulham have been fairly inept at taking 3 points on the road on a regular basis, and as such I fancy a low-scoring draw here. Sit on the fence for the value here.

Chelsea vs Sunderland



16th January 15:00 GMT

The absence of Didier Drogba at the African Nations Cup - arguably the form player in the league - will cause Carlo Ancelotti no little strife over the next couple of weeks as his striking options look decidedly thin without their top scorer. Still, Chelsea's midfield should get plenty of chances to launch forward against a Sunderland team which has struggled in bizarre fashion, after a rollicking start to the season. Take Frank Lampard to score at a value price here.

Everton vs Manchester City



16th January 17:30 GMT
ESPN (16:45 onwards), ESPN HD (16:45 onwards)

Everton have had a disappointing season thus far but have been plagued by injuries; however their intrinsic resilience under David Moyes is shining through, and I expect them to climb up the table as the season progresses. Carlos Tevez has been in sparkling form in the past two months, and fresh off a hat-trick against Blackburn on Monday, he is fantastic value at 3.2 to hit the back of the net against an often fragile defence.

Manchester United vs Burnley



16th January 15:00 GMT

After a run of poor results, Man Utd will be looking to pick up six comfortable points at home - first against Burnley, and then against Hull in a midweek fixture. Wayne Rooney has remained in excellent form throughout the campaign, and is as short as 1.5 to score against Brian Law's new side. William Hill dangle a generous 5.5 for Rooney to score 2 or more, and I feel this bet should be taken.

NJ's Bets:

Stoke to beat Liverpool - 4pts @ 3.85 (Betfair)

Birmingham to beat Portsmouth - 4.25pts @ 2.8 (Betfair)

Blackburn/Fulham to draw - 2pts @ 3.3 (Totesport)

Frank Lampard to score anytime - 2.5pts @ 2.62 (Boylesports)

Carlos Tevez to score anytime - 2.5pts @ 3.2 (Boylesports)

Wayne Rooney to score 2 or more - 2pts @ 5.5 (William Hill )