Match-fixing and Prostitution - and a bit of tennis
By Nishant Joshi

How not to fix a match, by Piotr Wozniacki

Caroline Wozniacki is extremely, extremely hot.

The major talking point this week has been about Wozniacki's retirement against 864th-ranked Anne Kremer at the Luxembourg Open on Tuesday. The US Open finalist struggled through the first set, winning 7-5 after taking a medical time-out when Kremer was two points away from taking the set.

The Danish beauty then proceeded to demolish the native Kremer in the second set, going 3-0 up before calling the trainer once again for a hamstring injury. It was a this point where her father/coach Piotr is alleged to have

The extremely, extremely hot Caroline Wozniacki

said something in Polish*, along the lines of "Wait til you go 5-0 up, then retire...let THEM have some fun."

As soon as this was said, lays began to pour in on Betfair, with over 10k going down the drain for anybody who backed the Dane at 1.01. The upshot of this was that when she resumed playing and went 5-0 up, Wozniacki then retired all of a sudden, meaning that a pre-match 1.12 shot was gubbed, when her opponent was nowhere near winning the match.

The identity of 'THEM' that Piotr Wozniacki had referred to has been of much conjecture. The cynics all seem to think that Piotr was referring to his 'friends' who would go on to lay his daughter on the exchanges for thousands. But in reality, it seems like a storm in a teacup, as it was likely that he was referring to the home crowd. He reasoned that his daughter would not be fit enough to play in the next match anyway, so he effectively decided to give the home favourite a bye to the next round, rather than eliminate Kremer from the draw.

It's fair to say that if you were to fix a match, I doubt that retiring at a set and 5-0 up vs an 864th-ranked 34 year old would be the most innocuous way of doing so.

*Caroline Wozniacki is fluent in five different languages, and converses with her parents in Polish. She is also extremely, extremely hot.

Sexytime at the Stockholm Open

Ernests Gulbis is but a young man-child at the youthful age of 21.

Born into an inconceivably rich family by Latvian standards, Gulbis seems to have suffered from a severe lack of motivation despite his undoubted exceptional talent. After a year where his best winning streak stands at 2, his ranking has slipped to a lowly 94th in the world.

And things will get worse - Saturday night in Stockholm, apparently he was attempting to sample the local talent before allegedly being arraigned for

A naughty naughty boy! Ernests Gulbis

solicitation of a lady of the night, with an alleged fellow-playing accomplice who did not make the main draw of the tournament. Allegedly. Dodging interviews this week and missing training sessions hardly indicates innocence to us.

Gulbis lost yesterday 6-4, 6-2 to Feliciano (he prefers 'Felicity') Lopez, understandably looking for a quick and low-key exit from Stockholm. Also it is possible that with his flowing locks and girly face, Lopez may well have reminded Gulbis of his whore-who-wasn't, and as a result he could well have suffered flashbacks of his alleged misdemeanour.

Meanwhile, known lotharios Carlos Moya and Marat Safin were shaking their heads in disbelief and are preparing to take young Ernests under their wing, with the aim of getting him laid by the age of 25. Conservative estimates indicate that Gulbis will not be ready for any sexual activity until he cuts off at least 64% of his hair.

God knows that we've all made our mistakes when it comes to women, so it is perhaps a damning indictment of men around the world that the response from the blogosphere to this episode has been generally 'meh' and not one of utter contempt.

I just hope he didn't try to pay with a credit card.

Nishant Joshi