What the Ruck - Volume I

By DC

For those of you that don't know me please allow me to introduce myself, I am an angry short fat Welshman - why am I angry? Hell don't you listen I said I was short & fat! In this weekly rant I plan to either bore you all with the witless ramblings of a fool, or entertain and spark a response, well that’s the plan at least.

This weekend is the start of the six nations, the greatest annual event in the rugby calendar, a time when the media goes in to over drive when national identity goes nuts and the weekends are filled with the joyous sounds of cheering crowds and national anthems. The time of year when the pubs are full, flags fly and the weekdays are only there for recovery and preparation – I love it. The one thing that is guaranteed to happen during this, the best of times, is that the media circus is going to kick into over drive and someone is going to end up p!55ing me off!

This week is no exception, let’s start with Mr Jeremy Clayton Guscott and his motor mouth, this week the ex British Gas employee blew up and launched an attack on the mentality and commitment of the Welsh players. Hang on a minute Mr Guscott, you might be an English and Lions legend but

The motor mouth that is... Mr Jeremy Clayton Guscott

wait one second ... “Welsh psychology is not where it should be......Welsh players seem to forget too quickly what it is all about...” I read this and after I had stop roaring like a Bear who had a bramble bush up his jacksey I shouted some more, then I stamped my feet and I do not mind admitting I got a little angry. You know why, you know why I was ready to scream and shout like a kid who could not have an ice cream, you know why ... you wanna know why? I will tell you why and I hate to admit this, I do not want to seem anti any nation on this the eve of the greatest of all competitions, the reason why, is that Mr Jeremy Clayton Guscott is right, and that makes me furious.

I do not want to climb on the disappointed train even before the Welsh team leave the station, but I feel that I have to voice my concerns, and if J C Guscott can then I am damn sure DC can. In 2005 Wales won the Grandslam for the first time in a generation – a nation partied like nothing before, I know I still have the liver damage. But the most important thing to me about that Grandslam was not the result it was the method and style of each of the victories. A week following the 2005 Grandslam victory with Cardiff still under an avalanche of empty beer cans and bottles, a letter appeared in a local Welsh paper – the words of which have stayed with me to this day “Everyone will know the scores of the five victories off by heart, and rightly so, but let us appreciate the way the wins were achieved...they did it the Welsh way playing expansive, exciting and entertaining rugby” Even now reading it again and the passion rises to boiling point like a kettle during the ad breaks in Coronation Street. The Welsh Way, the way that I grew up watching, and the way I fell in love with.

That’s what Welsh rugby is all about open, heads up rugby taking the crowd to the edge of their seat and leaving them there. So what has happened in the last 12 months? Last year Wales went from reigning Champions to struggling mid table mediocrity, then this autumn Wales lacked imagination and creativity. They showed maybe ten or fifteen minutes of imagination in four home games. They struggled and misfired, they looked clueless, and something I thought had gone from the Welsh game, a throwback to the dark days, the bad days that followed after so much success in the 1970s. Traditionally the Welsh have produced those players that have danced and weaved, dazzled and mesmerized the proud passionate fans – I did not see that in the autumn, and I fear it will be missing again during this campaign. I want to be proved wrong, but just look at the regional sides where are the heroes the players that inspire kids to pick up the ball, there are still a few out there but not enough. Wales have fallen victim to crash centres and up and unders – yes the up and under is a fantastic option for attacking, it offers so many possibilities to the on rushing team. However the Wales of old would have run, run and run the ball fizzing it from left to right, popping the ball out of the tackle, final passes timed with cobra like deadly accuracy.

I am a rugby believer, I believe in the purity of the game, the open running thrill of the game, the sound of boot on ball to me is like nails down a black board, like a death rattle. Changes in the rules have meant that

Does he have the skills, grace and timing of the great inside centres of the past? Jamie Roberts

graceful silky running, complex back moves have become a thing of the past – these days its massive players smashing through the gain line like a runaway steam roller – yes Jamie Roberts is a great player but does he have the skills,grace and timing of the inside centre from 2005. Be honest, forget the media drive drivel, forget the press-spun sewerage, who would you rather watch play the beautiful game – the smash of Roberts or the elegance and delivery of Henson?

Yes Mr G, I think you are right, Wales have lost their mentality, their edge – they are thinking too much – relax boys. Play your natural game, play the Welsh way it’s in your genes, don’t fight nature let it flow and make Wales proud.

The second thing that I need to get off my chest, is one man, the man in charge of the English team Martin Osborne Johnson. I do not want to upset a man who shares the physique of that of King Kong but I feel the need to rant. England have player in their squads that ooze attacking ability – Monye is like a human version of the cartoon Brave star, he has the strength of a bear, the speed of a puma and the eyes of a hawk. Hartley attacks the game with brutal intensity, Delon runs the kind of attacking lines that have defences praying for the final whistle. Tate is back, and about bl**dy time, he is a genuine talent, has pace and power and has been treated like a leper by the England management over the years. It is a mark of his supreme attitude that he has stuck at it and constantly delivered when lesser players would have stuck two fingers up and stormed off to France long ago.

Why is it that MJ, grinds my gears – simply because he refuses to allow the talent off the leash. Instead he reverts to a rumbling bore fest – he prefers to play for penalties and let Jonny close out the game. Why play such negative rugby when you have attacking flair? Ok I can hear you asking how do I know the game plan, have I broke into HQ and stolen the blue prints of attack – I don’t need to. MJ has made it quite clear the way he intends to play with his selection – I have yet to have my Flutey moment I am not convinced by the supposed genius of the Kiwi born player, I think there are better attacking options in England. The one statement that is clear from MJ – he intends to play Jonny forever. As long as Jonny can walk without the aid of a zimmer frame he has a place in MJ’s starting XV – he has and remains a great player but times have moved on since 2003, the game has changed it has got quicker and the need for a pivot to be sharp of mind and step has become even more important. Jonny has the mind of a steel trap, he has a rugby brain that means he lives his live on the pitch in the matrix. He sees things before the opposition have even thought about doing it – the only problem is that 7 years on since 2003 and Jonny does not have the body to react. The brain is sharp, the spirit is willing, it’s a shame the body cannot react in time.

I do not believe that Martin Johnson has the imagination to lead this England team to greatness, you cannot question his record or his experience – but you can question his creativity. Putting Jonno in charge of a team with so much untapped skill and flair is like letting your Grandad drive your high-powered sports car. You know that pops has ability, you know that he has been driving for years but still, you also know he is not going to be able work out where the ignition is let alone get the car into top gear. He plays rugby that is as stale as a sandwich left out in the midday sun for 80 minutes, a kind of rugby that belongs with chariots and not with sports cars.

With the Welsh team on the shrinks couch looking for what they have lost and Jonno’s England stuck in the forecourt with Diesel in the unleaded tank, things to not bode well. So you know what prove me wrong both of you – come on both nations strap on a pair and give us a display that shuts me up. The weekend is nearly here it’s time to nut up or shut up – don’t let a short fat Welshman in a red wine fuelled rant be right.

DC