What the Ruck Volume III - Tragedy, Lunacy & Idiots

By DC

OK the second round of the six nations is over and what a weekend it was a truly memorable weekend and not all of it for good reasons.

First of all, we have the greatest smash and grab job since Ronnie Biggs and his pals stopped a train to make a large cash withdrawal. Scotland played like warriors, each and every man – leaving body and soul on the pitch in the name of national pride, standout performances from the back row unit and especially Dan “so you think I have no game” Parks in particular. I have watched the game twice since Saturday and on more than one occasion had to pause it just to count the Scottish back row players on the pitch – each time I expect to find 15 or 16 extra players, the three B’s were everywhere, true monolithic performance. As individuals they might not be as strong as other players in the championship – but as a unit OH MY GOD .... Like the A team, MacGyver and Batman and Robin all rolled into one.

The man of the match performance was reserved for Dan Parks and he proved to the world that he has more than one dimension to his game – he played like a man possessed – he pulled the chains and moved the ball with simply deadly accuracy and it was heart breaking to see his physical and emotional shell give a post match interview. With 15 minutes to go Parks was the second happiest man in Wales on that fateful Saturday afternoon, the

Played like a man possessed Dan Parks

first being Dai Young for signing him before his stock went through the roof, sky high. The performance alone was worthy of the victory however it was not meant to be, instead we all witnessed the kind of last fifteen minutes reserved to the closing moments of Hollywood blockbusters.

Before I move on I have to draw people’s attention to the fallen men, the ones that are still carrying more than just emotional scars from the heat of the battle. Chris “ton up” Paterson started the game with a milestone and ended it with a kidney stone, a seriously impressive feat to get a hundred caps a shame to end it limping off. He is still recovering in a Cardiff City hospital with kidney damage, not the kind of kidney damage most people in the city received over the weekend – Paterson did not even get a chance to have one drink let alone 30 or 40.

Thom Evans is a serious reminder to us all that the most simplest of challenges can end with horrendous results – two operations later and Evans is still not out of the woods. He joins a list of players that played the game with nothing but enthusiasm and pride and have paid an unthinkable price. I just pray that we will be able to witness Evans’ stunning turn of pace and dancing feet on a rugby pitch soon, players like Evans have the kind of ability that inspires and players like him need to play. I trust that you all will join me in wishing them both a speedy recovery.

Ok I have the serious stuff out of the way now onto those things that had me screaming for the common sense police to arrive and slap on the WTF were you thinking cuffs.

Issue one, the Welsh team – for 70 minutes the whole team looked lost and out of sorts, they were out classed and out gunned, even at home in the beating heart of the Dragons Den they were lost and clueless. Wales seem to have a interesting new game plan, let’s not bother turning up until the fat bird is warming up, they have done it twice in this tournament – just when all hope of winning seems to have died they man up. Come on what sort of game plan is that, what the Hell have you been doing saving your energy for the final push? Wales started taking the game to England and in the heat of desperation and battle they threw a Hail Mary pass – leading to defeat, game plan failed that day. Against Scotland they got lucky, as lucky as a rabbits foot welded to a horseshoe dipped in lucky sauce and coated in lucky pixie dust – the hearts and sanity of the fans cannot take another game like that. But the most stupid thing of all was not the sudden explosion of pace and direction from the Welsh side, the exhilarating change of tempo and breath taking no holds barred rugby, it was none of these things.

Oh no the most stupid, idiotic, twist your head off and poop loony juice down your throat, was the arm waving celebrating before even crossing the line by Shane Williams. For God’s sake Shane put the ball down then jig, do the robot hell break out the birdie song dance, moon walk if you feel the need to but put the bloody ball down first. For one millisecond the entire game hung in mid air, ball in one hand and the other one flapping like a psychotic Pinocchio – what would you have done Shane if you had dropped the ball – first thing you would have needed to do would have been emigrate. I understand the heat and passion of the game the thrill of winning in such stunning fashion, but use your head man, one slip and all that hard work for the last 8 minutes would have been pointless. I expected more from a player of Shane’s ability and experience – it was an act of lunacy that with hindsight was a fitting finale to an insane few minutes of rugby. For the sake of fans hearts everywhere Wales need to remember that the game is 80 minutes long and more importantly you have two hands so use them. Ladies and Gentlemen the winner of the bronze medal in the 100m joystick act goes to Shane “disco feet and jazz hands” Williams.

Later on Saturday we witnessed the second thing that flipped my switch – France’s destruction of Ireland, Les Bleus turned on the skills and put on a display that was truly giants against leprechauns. The French side toyed and played Ireland like school yard bullies picking on the speccie geekie kids at lunchtime, they humiliated the Irish team and announced that they are taking this year’s 6 nations seriously. But the stand out moment of the match for me was the stupidity of Jerry “CanCan” Flannery – what in the name of Bruce Lee where you thinking Jerry? In case you missed it .... ok this is not the real tackle but censorship laws prevent me from showing you the real tackle. The last time a little bloke took a wild swing at a set of legs like that it was Tom Cruise asking out Nicole Kidman – that was unthinkable but Flannery’s “tackle” was unforgiveable. There is no place for such down right, scratch your head and tell me why insanity in the professional game, that tackle would have been out of place in a full contact ass kicking competition. I know pit fighters and ninjas that would have shuddered with fear and panic at witnessing such an act of brutality. Flannery has been banned for 6 weeks for his high kicking antics; maybe he can stay in France and earn a few Euros high kicking on the stage of the Moulin Rouge. Jerry Flannery takes silver in this weekend’s Olympic nutjob/toolbox awards.

Ok you might have guessed who is going to take the gold medal – the top dog of nobheads, the number one spanner, the ace hole of them all – Mr Andrew Powell. Ask yourselves how do you celebrate the greatest come back since Lazarus sat up and announced to the world “ hey I think I am over the worst of it, I feel a lot better thank you Mr Christ”? Yes you might have a few beers, yes you might let your hair down, yes you might even bust a few moves on the dance floor – but why in the holy name of Barry John would you take a golf buggy for a spin down the motorway?

We have all fallen victim of the demon booze, we have all woken up and thought – if I could remember what I did I know I would regret it. Did we not learn anything from my six form ball or Freddie and the Pedalo? In the last 18 months we have seen the rise from mediocrity of Powell to superstar status – from bit part regional player to British Lion, the start may have been slow but the recent ascent has been simply stunning. From that first man of the match performance against South Africa to heroics in back yard of those same Springboks – Powell has hit the tackles and the ground running. But the axe has been swinging for the last few games and the stupidity of Saturday night Sunday morning has finally seen it fall in dramatic fashion.

Powell had the world at his feet and instead of grasping the opportunity and holding on to it, he has managed to spill it at the last minute, ironic that his ball handling skills and career handling skills have mirrored each other. Celebrate with the rest of them Andy, but draw the line – draw the line so you know where to stop not so you know where the finishing line of the Golf Buggy Derby is. Powell you have taken the kind of chance that kids and fans dream of and treated it like one long joke, we all love a laugh but Andy come on what have you done. Gatland does not take insubordination lightly you cross him and show him disrespect and you might need to give Popham a call and ask how it feels. Some may think that Powell’s actions are to be laughed at, and that they should be celebrated with a Facebook group or a comedy t shirt, but personally I think they should be shocked and let down by Powell. Powell shot to stardom burning bright in the rugby skies however like a shooting star he is now heading downwards light fading. Potential that is not realised is simply wasted, and wasted potential is far more criminal than a few drinks and a buggy trip – obviously not legal stand point just an opinion.

Of all the things that disappointed and angered me from this weekend it was the loss of potential and promise that enraged me the most.   

DC