What the Ruck XIII

By DC

I have never been a fan of Conspiracy Theories - you know the ones Area 52, who shot JFK, and the classic about Lizard Men replacing the Royal family - utter tosh. Don't get me wrong I loved the X Files – but mainly because I had the hots for Sculley – that’s the full extent of my interest in stupid theories – now I have said that I am going to contradict myself. I think it was Billy Shakespeare that penned that olde classic – “there is something rotten in the state of Denmark”- well apart from the geography Billy was spot on. There is something rotten in the States of South Africa – or at least South African rugby. I am not normally one to spread the rumour butter of the conspiracy toast but I can hold my tongue no more and let the wrath of the battered Boks await me I am going to have my say.

In the last 2 years the Springboks have slipped from number one in the World, World Champions and Tri Nation champions – the tamers of Lions have become blind stumbling Springboks – any sensible Big Cat would have already stripped these Boks from the herd and filled their bellies. So what is wrong here? Have they had a massive change in personnel on the field – NOPE, have they all suddenly stopped

When it comes to drivelling pure bum gravy the crown has to go to de Villiers. Peter De Villiers

becoming World Class players - NOPE. The problem for me is where the conspiracy theory starts to take shape – Peter de Villers, or PDV to his friends – the man at the helm of the South African national team – the man is as batty as a box of Cockerels stuck on a luggage rack.

OK I know it’s a little strange, but is PDV the reason for the decline of one of the greatest defensive teams ever to run on to a Paddock – I would argue he is not the sole reason but part of the whole rotten core.

Now I am big enough to admit that at times I have said some stupid things – only last week did I ask “Is that the Cottage Pie from last night? How long has that been there?” We all know that at times sports sides open their mouth and nothing but bull plop falls out – just think of Cantona and his seagulls and also some of the pure bum junk that comes out of Serena Williams mouth. But when it comes to drivelling pure bum gravy the crown has to go to de Villiers –


“There’s little difference between winning and losing, except you feel better after winning” – glad we cleared that up PDV.

“The small things like judicial hearings will not take away the fact that we won ... Nelson Mandela and de Klerk won the Nobel Peace Prize....” Hang on PDV you loon are you really comparing Schalk Burger and Botha to men that played a key role in the political changes in South Africa?

“ I won’t change my style, if I change my style I will change Peter de Villiers, and then I would have to tell God that he made a mistake when he made me” – so your perfect then P Divvy? – Are we simply to believe that it’s the Father, the Son and the Holy PDV – nutter

“We are very organized at the moment, we don’t want to become a fruit salad” WTF salad...fruit...WHAT!

“Why don’t we go to the nearest ballet shop, get some tutus... no eye gouging, no tackling, no nothing and we will enjoy it” of course eye gouging should be recognised as part of the defensive tools of the team – you Berk!

Ok so maybe these are not on their own perfect examples of the fact that PDV has lost the plot – but it shows the arrogance of the man, and arrogance is important when you’re wearing the head Coach cap – but you also need passion. Check out the footage of the match last weekend – Australia exploded from the blocks like disco dancing rugby players PDV looked bored – South Africa stormed back and clinched a fantastic display of International rugby – PDV cares not a jot – was he even watching the 80 minutes that the rest of us were? Come on Pete – for God sake get involved, scream shout – show that you care – Every time the game swung from one way to the other the camera trained on Peter and he appeared to be doing his online Tesco shop. He honestly looked as if he did not know what was going on in front of him – possibly the El Grecko moustache has finally obscured his vision.

The Boks are still great players man for man they would walk into most international teams – so what is going on? Spies is a Goliath of a man – yet he has the presence on the field of a tea soaked Jammy Dodger, World class centres have about as much penetration as a cocktail stick against a Chieftain tank – a rumbling front row that bumbles rather than runs. Yes they beat Wales and taught France a lesson but they struggled against Italy, they looked toothless and clueless against the All Blacks – even in the home test a fortnight ago. The Springboks are traditionally hard hitting, “professional” rugby players they know how to close out a game – but in the last 2 months they have looked clueless and un prepared – who is to blame I would argue its Moustache Pete. The second half of last week’s test was a throwback to the second half Wales played against Fiji – when the players on the pitched raised two stiff fingers to the coaches and played instinctive rugby. The Boks played natural hard rugby, determined, driven rugby – driven by the players on the pitch and not the coaching staff who were busy in the box comparing Pasta prices online or something. The same Shakespearian scene that I opened with seems fitting – “ Tis not fit thus to obey him” – the players played for themselves and their country and clearly not for their leader – after all “he waxes desperate with imagination”. Ok I am done with the Shakespeare now.

Let’s be honest South African rugby has suffered in the past when politics became more important than selection, get Luke Watson on the blower and he will back me up – and please don’t think that I am pulling on a Klan hood here – but is Peter just an extension of this political Springbok dung? Yes the man has pedigree; yes the Boks are still number two in the world and yes the Boks will threaten in the World Cup. But come on people the man makes some lunatic choices – de Villiers on the wing for one, he lacks the ability to motivate – he lacks passion. I am not saying that PDV is part of some betting fiasco like we are witnessing in the Cricket world – but something is not right here. Something is a bit wiffy, I smell a rat – and when teams fail to perform at international level while still producing it at club and regional level you have to question the only other variable – the Coach.

The head honcho of South African Rugby, the big Cheese, the Sheriff – but I have to admit that this sheriff is starting to resemble the drunk Dean Martin in Rio Bravo more than the steely Wyatt Earp in Tombstone. I think he is starting to lose grip of his team – I do not believe that the players respect him, that they willingly follow him. I think that the facade that used to be so strong is starting to slip; I think that PDV has lost control of this side and I also believe that he will not be changed as the political animal that lives in the halls and corridors of South African rugby rules.

I understand those people that say that the Boks have just come up against an All Black team on fire, but the cracks were there before then – I thought that it was the marks of a team needing game time – I at first believed that the Boks would find their form and domination in the Tri Nations. But know I am of the belief that there is something more sinister at play here, a team that has lost the respect of its head coach, a head coach that has lost his interest in the game and his side.

Ok I admit it – it’s not quite fake Moon landings or that really silly one about Paul McCartney dying, but you have to admit when it comes to being ruthless in the face of losing the South African big wigs normally do not pull their punches. P Divvy earlier this year opened his mouth and questioned the honesty of certain refs –would former coach Markgraaff have kept his job if it had been him opening his mouth? Since taking over the lead position almost 36 months ago, Moustache Pete has stumbled from one gaff and blunder to the next – the man is such a media hand grenade that I almost expect Faux Pas to be called into the Springbok squad.

Sticking de Villiers in a press conference, in front of tape recorders and cameras is like putting Shere Khan in charge of a petting zoo, the man opens his mouth and pure foot cheese falls out. Just 2 days ago, Bees Roux, a South African rugby player was arrested for suspected murder – Bees is not in the current squad – he has nothing to do with P Divvy, yet he still managed to pledge the support of the entire Springbok squad – support to a suspected murderer! Any other international coach would have gone by now, yet PDV remains in place. If he survives this weekend then I think that my conspiracy theory will be proved right. The man is a total liability and if he remains in charge then the Boks will suffer – I want to be wrong but the evidence is mounting up against the stupidity of the man.

DC